It was a great golf day yesterday especially when we decided to play the 19th hole at Auberge de Pommier sharing delicious Niagara wine and a platter of nibbles. And as often happens between us girls (we are all really sixteen year olds living in the bodies of Senior ladies), the conversation quickly turned to sex -a most yummy topic, followed by our own reviews of the Fifty Shades series .
“Okay, so what’s so hot about crawling along the floor on all fours with a guy trying to stick it in from the rear?” asked A.
“Or being tied up and hit with a cane?
“Have you ever tried it?” asked B.
“No”, have you?”
In fact, none of us had anything sado-macho to confess. So why had so many women been turned on by the Fifty Shades book series? Are they good books or is it just the kinky sex? Well, the stats say that most of the readers are younger women, and surprisingly, according to the research, many have had limited sexual experience.
“Of course they would have had little sexual experience”, said C. “Any woman who has been in bed with a fabulous man would never want or need all that other stuff -ropes and hooks and dildos.
“And for those of us who have had intense relationships and lots of wonderful orgasms, it is a joke to suggest that a real, living woman can come in 27 seconds – even if they are only twenty-one years old”.
“I agree” said B. “especially if the guy is only twenty-five. For sure he still needs a road map. So this is definitely not for me. I’m spoiled – when I’m in bed with a man I like being pampered.
“I also think that the author is limited in her writing skills. I thought that the whole story was simply one-dimensional – she was just banking on major sensationalism”.
“That is very true”, said D, now on her second glass of Chardonnay at $16 a glass. “But now that I have read the books, I confess, but only to you girls, that I could be tempted to try some of that stuff”.
“What?” was the singular cry.
“Why not?” she asked. “There must be something to all that hype…or no one would be reading about it”.
Ah, then we should be doing a book review…but first we have some questions:
Should you find a surrogate lover in case your regular man passes out – either from the stress of doing it that way or the shock of even being asked?
Can a woman retain her sensuous demeanor draped over a chair or a bench with her legs up in the air with a riding crop dangling out of her private parts?
Can you hurt your back if you do it in some of those positions?
And now our review of the books (there have been many others) – presented by avid readers, only one of whom is an author herself.
The drama and plot lines focus on kinky sex – a superficial rationale that is attributed to the main characters’ dysfunctional childhoods. After a while, it just becomes boring. We could anticipate what was coming – there was no mystery – and no excitement. The writing was mostly repetitious with the same ending and even the sexual adventures became, “so what else is new?”
Was this simply a ploy for the author to avoid having to write a compelling story with a real plot that grabs the readers’ attention?
We thought so.
But hey, good for you E.L. James. You wrote it, you sold it, and if it isn’t literature, so be it.
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