In praise of the ladies who golf … and lunch

I need a break from the politics! As you all know, I am volunteering for Willowdale MP CS Leung who is a part of the Harper team. So far, so good – things look great!

But I digress. I am a happy friend of a group of girls (we call ourselves girls, we think of ourselves as girls, and so we shall continue to be girls) who golf and lunch. In fact, many of us were playing together when I was researching and then wrote my last novel, THE THIRD HOLE published internationally two years ago. But I digress again.

We play golf Tuesdays and Thursdays at Don Valley when it isn’t raining.   Happily it is a municipal course and we benefit from the Seniors’ rate – or the “Girls’ Senior rate”. It is a fabulous challenge, so well located right in the heart of the city, and after 15 years, we know the staff well, especially Jo-Anne who is their #1 and ours as well.

So? What’s the point? Yesterday we were hysterical with jokes and gossip as we tried to keep our scores as close to 100 as possible, that I decided to write a blog about it – no politics.

In order for you to enjoy the madness of our day, I have to quote the words spoken. But I can’t disclose who said what – so this is what I have decided to do. I’ll list all of us in alphabetical order, first names only.

Barbie, Bertye, Elly, Esther, Joyce, Linda, Patti.

Then I’ll share the words without mentioning who actually said them…and to whom. Here we go!


“You need a new bra”


“Your boobs are too close to your waist”

“Come on, this is my golf bra – there are no guys around, at least none who can see well enough to notice”

“Doesn’t matter. You should wear a proper bra. You never know who will drive by in a cart”.

One of our girls owns BEACHWEAR UNLIMITED AND LEGS PLUS, THE BRA BOUTIQUE – so the problem of sagging boobs is going to be quickly fixed. And of course, there will be a small entourage going along to observe – another hysterical shared event.


“I’ve have now had two x-rays and there is nothing showing’

“Well, try walking more upright – chest out, head high – that might help”

“How can I have such pain in my knee and groin and nothing is there?”

“Maybe you are too fat”

“That is true – extra weight adds too much pressure on bodies of our age”

“Well, if I wasn’t chubby I would have lines in my face that would hang down to my chin”

“Well, what do you prefer? Lines or pain? That is the question. Whether tis better to suffer….”

“Zipper it!”

And then the medical advice. Take an Aleve – or two Advils. Then take Tylenol 4 hours later. All of this so we can play golf. But the pills do work.


“I think my fitness instructor is making a serious move on me”

“What? How old is he?”

“What difference does that make?”

“Come on – he looks like a baby”

“Does he need money?”

“That is a shitty thing to say – but I forgive you”.

“Why is it okay for a guy to be 25 years older than any female he goes after and not me?”

“Because the female part of that equation has a body that stands on its own and guys only need one private part that stands on its own – hopefully”

“Leave her alone – I think it is a great idea. The train only goes through once. Do it!”

“Aren’t you afraid to be naked in front of a young guy?”

“Come on!!! There are flimsy tops, and with a few glasses of wine, experienced hands and other stuff we girls know how to do, we can deflect from our less than perfect bodies. We can even be better than any young chick.”

“Yes, do it! And then I want to know every detail”

Interesting that no matter what our ages, girlie talk usually winds up in bed – directly, indirectly or by messenger.


Mazel Tov! My granddaughter is engaged!”

“Mazel Tov, what are the details?”

“Well, they have been living together for a year”.

“Oh, my grandson lived with his girlfriend for five years before they got engaged”.

“Didn’t they get divorced last year?”

“Yes – and isn’t it interesting that with all the freedoms for young people today, they still repeat the same pattern”

“Gee, what do these kids not have? We were married off in our teens – never lived on our own – never got to sleep around and learn about life – locked up really. And yet, here they are with all the freedom we never had and still they repeat the pattern”.

“I think that it all comes down to who you are and what you think of yourself. Freedom is a state of mind”.

“True, and I have no desire to go back. I’d rather just let my children worry about their children while I enjoy the company I keep and trudging around the golf course whenever possible”.


I can’t finish this blog without a ‘plug’ for our own Joyce Cuthbertson. She has written a fabulous golf brochure with Christian Martin of the PGA (Golfing: Simplified). It is a hit in the U.S. but isn’t available in Canada. So when you travel south, pick up a copy. Joyce would never expect me to suggest that she is a better writer than me – so I won’t.

Back to the campaign trail. PM Harper has delivered. Don’t forget to vote.